Don’t get shocked by my choice of verb in the title of this post …believe me, I mean it! This morning on our way to office we were discussing the kind of leave applications and office notes we receive from our sections …and we found that an outsider may find it nothing less then sleaze if he gets to read the stuff. To start on an innocent note, one fine morning I got a leave application where the reason for taking leave was “Marriage of self with sibling” (Actually the person and his sister were getting married on the same day) . In another instance a collegue got a leave application where the applicant writes that “As per doctors prescription, my wife is to be delivered on 2nd of next month and my presence is required in the hospital.”
If this is not bad enough there is a tongue’n cheek case from one of the north eastern Accountant General’s office where the Dy.AG (Admin) received an application for paternity leave stating “ By the grace of God and Accountant General , my wife has delivered a child last Sunday and my presence is now required at home….” .The DAG with his wacky sense of humour marked the application to AG by noting “Since the Accountant General seems to be involved , he may like to see and sanction the leave .” The AG replied back on the file “ I don’t know about God but I have nothing to do with the incident.The leave, however, may be sanctioned.”
Don’t think that the leave applications are the only source of our entertainment in the otherwise boring government offices. Recently some elderly women (16 in number) in a sister office got in some sort of argument with the in-charge of administration section and accused him of “outraging their modesty by making obscene gestures and postures” . The matter came for inquiry before the Dy.AG who wondered how the accused managed to perform the seemingly impossible feat of “outraging the modesty” of 16 women in a crowded section of government office in one single afternoon . But thanks to the strict guidelines against sexual harassment at workplace, the matter was immediately taken up. During investigation it came out that the obscene gesture was pointing finger to them saying “Get out” and the obscene posture was to remain seated while talking to the ladies. Well, the case was subsequently dismissed with a warning to the ladies for minding their language.
Now now now…. if you feel this is the height of it ..just wait till you hear the next case. Things are getting murkier and murkier around us as....in the same office and incidentally in the same section( administration) there is an Assistant Audit Officer who is responsible for liaison work with different agencies . This person has to call the various agencies on phone , write letters and meet the concerned authorities, if required . In his wisdom to distinguish between the telephonic conversation and meeting face to face , he uses some interesting English. E.g. if asked to meet his counterpart in a sister office , he will write –“ As directed by higher authorities, physical contact was made with the Sr. Audit Officer in MAB office but no fruitful result came out of it.” The other day to explain his efforts for getting a telephone repaired this gentleman reports on file “ Repeated physical contacts were made for last three days by the undersigned and his assistant shri….with the Telephone complaint officer and his staff, but to no satisfaction . However, efforts are on and if required, physical contact will be made with the higher officials as well.”
After reading this note the Dy.AG (Admn) who was also the one who conducted inquiry for “outraging of modesty case” just commented that - Sr. AO (Admn)..who was charged for outraging modesty of 16 women , has got an assistant he deserves!” ( well, of course not on file)
Don’t think that the leave applications are the only source of our entertainment in the otherwise boring government offices. Recently some elderly women (16 in number) in a sister office got in some sort of argument with the in-charge of administration section and accused him of “outraging their modesty by making obscene gestures and postures” . The matter came for inquiry before the Dy.AG who wondered how the accused managed to perform the seemingly impossible feat of “outraging the modesty” of 16 women in a crowded section of government office in one single afternoon . But thanks to the strict guidelines against sexual harassment at workplace, the matter was immediately taken up. During investigation it came out that the obscene gesture was pointing finger to them saying “Get out” and the obscene posture was to remain seated while talking to the ladies. Well, the case was subsequently dismissed with a warning to the ladies for minding their language.
Now now now…. if you feel this is the height of it ..just wait till you hear the next case. Things are getting murkier and murkier around us as....in the same office and incidentally in the same section( administration) there is an Assistant Audit Officer who is responsible for liaison work with different agencies . This person has to call the various agencies on phone , write letters and meet the concerned authorities, if required . In his wisdom to distinguish between the telephonic conversation and meeting face to face , he uses some interesting English. E.g. if asked to meet his counterpart in a sister office , he will write –“ As directed by higher authorities, physical contact was made with the Sr. Audit Officer in MAB office but no fruitful result came out of it.” The other day to explain his efforts for getting a telephone repaired this gentleman reports on file “ Repeated physical contacts were made for last three days by the undersigned and his assistant shri….with the Telephone complaint officer and his staff, but to no satisfaction . However, efforts are on and if required, physical contact will be made with the higher officials as well.”
After reading this note the Dy.AG (Admn) who was also the one who conducted inquiry for “outraging of modesty case” just commented that - Sr. AO (Admn)..who was charged for outraging modesty of 16 women , has got an assistant he deserves!” ( well, of course not on file)
Did I just hear Lord Macaulay turning in his grave?
6 comments:
good one.
Hi
My first time here.
Have heard quite a bit of English wit, in the context of administration of The Raj.
Its great to see humour lives on in govt correspondence, true to tradition.
Regards
Well written post. And very amusing.
Very funny and very true!
Good ones! Just to complement your excellent "leave applications" stories:
A lecturer submitted his leave application in the following language: "I need to go to a seaside for the change of my wife..." (He meant his wife needed a change)
A sarkari babu who was posted in some hilly area noted down in his file, as part of his official duty to record everything that he saw, that the place was gorgeous, meaning the place was full of gorges!!!
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